Category "Sexual Lifestyle"

The Best Condoms of 2020

We cover the best condoms that money can buy from Durex to Trojan

Whatever you get up to in the bedroom, stock up on some of the best condoms to help you play safely

The Best Condoms of 2020
The Best Condoms of 2020

Choosing protection is a very personal decision. The best condom for you is going to be the that feels good, and if you’re the one wearing it, fits well. It also needs to offer strong protection against STIs, and reliably prevent unplanned pregnancy if that’s relevant to your relationship.

It helps if it’s compatible with your favourite lube (check out our guide to the best lube right now). It’s a condom which is fun for you and fun for them; something that increases pleasure rather than taking it away. The best condom is one which works with the way you want to use it.

The problem is, that doesn’t describe one condom. We’re all different; finding the perfect condom for you and for your partner, or the one to take on a fresh date or a night out, isn’t easy. The best condom for women might not be the same as the best condom for men. And the best condom for pleasure may not be the one that keeps you safest.

A well-fitting condom might be a good way to prevent slippage, but go too tight and you’re increasing the risk of the condom breaking. A thicker condom is great for protection in rougher situations, but only if it doesn’t take away all of the sensitivity. To help you find the right product for you, and one which suits your priorities, we’ve put together this comprehensive guide to the best condoms available right now.

Disclaimer: no condom is 100% effective, and rates vary between brands, so always do your research before buying.RECOMMENDED VIDEOS FOR YOU…00:00 of 01:07Volume 0%01:1002:02PLAY SOUND

FINDING THE BEST CONDOM FOR BOTH OF YOU

While there’s nothing stopping you from using any one condom in all number of situations, selecting the best condom for the job in hand (so to speak) is important. In other words, consider your needs and desires, your partner’s, and what you’re likely to be getting up to together behind closed doors.

If the condom is there as a simple contraceptive, a thin and ultra-sensitive condom might benefit the individual with a penis more. To make sex and erotic play more of a turn-on for the both of you, experiment with a textured condom or one lubricated to produce a warm or minty-cold tingly feeling.

Anal sex demands a slightly thicker condom and increased lubricant – and do be careful to select something flavour-free to avoid irritating those slightly more sensitive areas.

Sexual health practitioners advise using a condom for oral sex too, especially if you’re hooking up with a new partner, and flavoured condoms will serve you best here. They also recommend using condoms if you’re planning on sharing sex toys, such as dildos or vibrators.

Some people suffer from a latex allergy, and luckily there are latex-free condoms to opt for instead. And if you’ve been put off certain brands in the past for ethical reasons, there are a growing number of vegan condoms that don’t use casein. These types of more eco-friendly johnnies generally have a lower chemical load too.

 THE BEST CONDOMS TO BUY NOW 

SKYN INTENSE FEEL CONDOMS
SKYN INTENSE FEEL CONDOMS

1. SKYN INTENSE FEEL CONDOMS

The best condom for feeling (it’s close to skin-on-skin)

REASONS TO BUY
  • Non-latex material
  • Smooth lubricant
  • Wave pattern with dots
  • Straight fit

Latex condoms are not universal. Some people have a severe allergy to the stretchy stuff, so Skyn’s super-thin polyisoprene construction – which retains the same level of protection against STIs and pregnancy without the latex – is a top choice for those who can’t use anything else.

Allergy or not, though, that material feels significantly softer and, yes, more skin-like than standard latex, which means these might appeal to those who just don’t like the feel of regular condoms. There’s a stack of varieties on offer for our best condom top pick, including a Large variant and an Extra Lubricated version. We’d suggest trying the Intense Feel (pictured) to take advantage of that advanced material.

DUREX LATEX FREE
DUREX LATEX FREE

2. DUREX LATEX FREE

The best condom for sensitive skin

REASONS TO BUY
  • Snug fit
  • Allergy-free material
  • Great feel

Like Skyn’s condoms, the Durex Latex Free are made from polyisoprene rather than latex, which means they’re fully suitable for anyone with an allergy to tree rubber – if you’ve ever found condoms burning or rubbing, it may not just be caused by friction. These are a great option whether you’re sensitive to latex or not, since many find the synthetic material to feel closer to skin and transfer heat better.

Durex lists a nominal width of 56mm here; as polyisoprene is a touch less stretchy than natural rubber, they may sit a little more snugly on the penis than others of the same girth. Do note, though, that there’s a silicon lube applied to these condoms, so if silicon is an irritant you may wish to look elsewhere. If it’s not, why not add a little extra lube?

Durex offers an Aloe Vera variety that is both compatible with these condoms and great for those who find themselves a little sore after getting down to it.

HANX VEGAN CONDOM
HANX VEGAN CONDOM

3. HANX VEGAN CONDOM

A good all-rounder condom that feels good for her too

REASONS TO BUY
  • Vegan latex
  • No extra additives
  • Non-pungent scent

Most latex condoms include casein, a cow’s milk derivative that helps soften the latex to make it more comfortable against the skin. Hanx switches this out for thistle extract, making this contoured condom certified as vegan.

There’s no spermicide or parabens in use here, so the chemical load is much lower, and a clean scent covers up the off-putting smell of latex. As for the feel, they’re thin and comfortable, and feel good for the both of you. A good all-rounder if you want a more eco-friendly condom… and one that looks pretty stylish in the wrapper too.

DUREX PLEASURE ME
DUREX PLEASURE ME

4. DUREX PLEASURE ME

The best condom for beginners

REASONS TO BUY
  • Fantastic texture
  • Easy to apply
  • Exciting experience

Highly rated for penis-in-vagina sex, with a ribbed and dotted texture which vastly heightens pleasure, the Pleasure Me condoms aren’t just great for those with a whole lot of experience – they’re the perfect option for first-timers, too.

Why? They’re easy to apply, for a start, with a teat-ended design that’s straightforward for you or your partner to roll on in seconds. They’re great fun – something that might be a real winning factor if you’re looking to break the nervous tension a little.

And most importantly, they feel amazing for both parties. The design features strategically placed ribs and dots to increase physical stimulation for the woman. However old you are, whatever your feelings about sex, if it’s your first encounter or the latest in a long line, they’ll spice up your experience to make sure everyone on either side of the latex has a great time.

THEYFIT / MYONE
THEYFIT / MYONE

5. THEYFIT / MYONE

The best condom for getting a custom fit

REASONS TO BUY
  • Custom-sized in length and width
  • Online fitting process
  • Discrete wrapping
  • Very comfortable  

It’s estimated that only 12% of people with a penis are using condoms that actually fit properly. TheyFit offers up 66 individual sizes depending on length and width, and will guide you through the fitting process (which doesn’t necessarily have to be done solo…) to ensure you find the right size, whether it’s bigger, smaller, or somewhere in between.

With the company acquired in 2017 by Karex, the TheyFit branding is now transitioning to that of similar US brand MyONE Perfect Fit – it’s the same product. Do note, though, that these use a silicon lubricant, which can be an irritant for some people.

ROUGH RIDER STUDDED
ROUGH RIDER STUDDED

6. ROUGH RIDER STUDDED

A surprising hit with women

REASONS TO BUY
  • Studded texture
  • Durable latex
  • Great for toys

No points for presentation here – the raunchy packaging certainly screams ‘gag gift’ more than ‘classy night between the sheets’ – but the Rough Riders are more than a laugh: they’re tried-and-tested condoms that score plenty of points for pleasure. Cartoon biker girl or not, these should help those with a vagina have a great time.

They’re explicitly designed to increase vaginal sensation, with a heavyweight studded pattern that adds a whole lot of texture and a durable construction that should mean no unhappy accidents if you’re, well, riding rough.

One point many purchasers have made, though, is that they tend towards the slimmer size, so they’re most suitable for a penis that finds the traditional 56mm condom base width a little baggy. A more exciting (and slightly tougher) alternative to Okamoto’s Zero Zero Three? Perhaps – and you could always slap one on a sex toy, too.

OKAMOTO ZERO ZERO THREE SMOOTH
OKAMOTO ZERO ZERO THREE SMOOTH

7. OKAMOTO ZERO ZERO THREE SMOOTH

Want a smaller size condom? Here you go

REASONS TO BUY
  • Super-thin latex
  • Heat transferring properties
  • Unusual powder lubricant
  • Lesser girth

A narrower base ring, measured at around 52mm, means these Japanese imports might feel a little tight on some, but for the penis with slightly less girth they’ll be a good fit. That ‘Zero Zero Three’ refers to the super-thin 0.03mm latex, engineered both for softness and for enhanced heat transfer between partners. It’s perfect if you’re looking for a little sensitivity, although while that latex is plenty strong we’d advise not getting too rough with it.

Unusually, these uncontoured condoms use a powder lubricant, which is something you’ll rarely find elsewhere. It’s great for a smooth feel without the sticky and often pungent lubes many other condoms favour. A worthy addition to our best condoms guide.

DUREX MUTUAL CLIMAX
DUREX MUTUAL CLIMAX

8. DUREX MUTUAL CLIMAX

The best condom for evening things up

REASONS TO BUY
  • Benzocaine lube
  • Extravagant texturing
  • A whole lot of fun 
  • Easy to apply

It is a fact that we can’t always stay in sync with our partners, and there’s no magic bullet for that. Working together to find that balance is a fun but sometimes frustrating experience.

If you’re looking to line things up a little better, these easy-on condoms pack a double dose of help: they’re ribbed and dotted to help stimulate the vagina, and they pack Durex’s Performa, a benzocaine-infused lubricant which can help slightly numb the penis to delay climax. The rest is down to you.

PASANTE UNIQUE LATEX FREE CONDOMS
PASANTE UNIQUE LATEX FREE CONDOMS

9. PASANTE UNIQUE LATEX FREE CONDOMS

An ultra-thin condom that’s safe to use with oil-based lube

REASONS TO BUY
  • Wallet-friendly packaging
  • Generous width
  • Heat shrink tech
  • Latex-free

Compare to the rest of the rubbers in our best condoms guide, Pasante’s Unique condoms are just that: not only are they packaged differently, folded and slid in their threes into a sturdy flat credit-card sized container perfect for keeping stashed in a wallet or purse, but they’re quite unlike any other condom.

Made from a non-latex resin-based synthetic material, which means they can be used with oil-based lubricants, the Unique condoms use body heat to cling to the penis and ensure a comfortable fit. That’s handy, because they have a flared base, and at 60mm wide they’re a little more generous than some. 

Crucially, these are amongst the thinnest condoms around, so if you’re looking for ultra-sensitivity they’re a strong choice. Don’t get them too hot while they’re still in the wrapper, though, as we’ve heard reports of them, er, shrinking themselves a tad early.

LELO HEX CONDOM
LELO HEX CONDOM

10. LELO HEX CONDOM

The best condom for the well-endowed

REASONS TO BUY
  • Thin, next-gen construction
  • Water-based lube
  • Deals with breaks well
  • Larger option

Inspired by the super-strong structure of graphene, Swedish brand LELO has produced the water-lubricated Hex as a unique combination of strength and thinness – and if there is a break anywhere in the condom, the hexagonal web will contain it to a single panel. 

Slimmer than most in more than one respect (some report that the standard Hex runs a little tighter than most brands), there’s a second option for those with slightly more girth: the Hex Respect XL is 10% larger but still just as thin.

PASANTE EXTRA CONDOM
PASANTE EXTRA CONDOM

11. PASANTE EXTRA CONDOM

The one to help you enjoy safer anal sex

REASONS TO BUY
  • 1mm thick walls
  • Extra-lubed
  • Well sized
  • Hard to break

When you need a little additional protection and strength, a thicker condom is the best condom for you. Pasante’s Extras are average-sized, so you shouldn’t have any problem getting them to fit, but they’re also a full 1mm thick, meaning they’re suitable for extra-vigorous activity and great for worry-free anal sex.

Don’t think you’ll lose too much sensation; there’s extra non-spermicidal silicone lubricant on board for maximum feel – if you need to add more, just make sure it’s water-based to avoid degrading the latex.

2020 Best Fleshlight Toys For Men

Get up close and personal the way you like to play: here come the best 2020 Fleshlight toys, the best Tenga toys, and a whole lot more besides

Welcome to T3’s guide to the best Fleshlights. You probably know what a fleshlight is, unless you’ve landed here by a very unfortunate typo; if you’re in the latter category, let us explain.

A fleshlight is a masturbation toy for those with a penis, which can simulate a whole host of experiences, both anatomical and fantastical. They’re often shaped like a flashlight, with a flesh-feeling inner, hence that clever name.

There are plenty of fleshlights out there that aim for realism, with inner sleeves designed to replicate the look and feel of a vagina, anus or mouth, and even moulds available of the actual parts of some popular stars of adult entertainment.

But some of the most popular (and, we’d argue, best) fleshlights don’t try to replicate the real world. They’re constructed to supply as much pleasure as possible, and offer experiences nature can’t provide. Perfect for using with a partner without any shame.

A fleshlight can even help with staying power, with some specifically designed for training. Whatever you’re looking for, we’ve got options to offer – or if you’re looking for something different.

CHOOSING THE BEST FLESHLIGHT FOR YOU

This seems like a no-brainer, but when choosing from among the best Fleshlight masturbation sleeves, you need to think about what type of sex you’re looking to simulate and how you want it to feel.

There are Fleshlights designed for vaginal and anal sex, and some that provide an oral sex sensation. Some do something different altogether, but whatever opening is involved, look at the texture of the inner sleeve and the length to ensure you get something that suits you.

Cleaning is an obvious concern with this type of sex toy, but it’s easy to do with most Fleshlights – just remove the sleeve from the outer shell, rinse it through with warm water, then let it dry. That’s it. 

Specialist cleaning products like Fleshlight’s own Fleshwash Sex Toy Cleaner – never use soap, as it can affect the sleeve material. Fleshlight’s Renewing Powder is another product to consider, as it reduces the tacky feeling of the Superskin material after washing.

A little lubricant makes these toys even better, but only used water-based lubes here. Anything else can damage the sleeve. 

When it comes to using your Fleshlight, it’s worth warming the insert before using it. This makes it feel more natural and flesh-like, and while you can get specialist tools for warming your toy, letting it rest for a while in warm water is usually enough.

THE BEST FLESHLIGHTS TO BUY NOW 

FLESHLIGHT FLIGHT: PILOT
FLESHLIGHT FLIGHT: PILOT

1. FLESHLIGHT FLIGHT: PILOT

The best Fleshlight overall

REASONS TO BUY
  • Super-soft inner 
  • Stealth packaging
  • Universal opening 
  • Adjustable suction 

Our top pick for the best Fleshlight is a top-seller and for good reason. The company has taken its original model and refined every aspect, starting from the super-discrete outer and working all the way through. The feel of the inner is softer than before, with a uniquely textured canal that promises oodles of pleasure.

Clear material and a non-anatomical opening means this is more the stuff of your fantasies than a replication of anything real – it’s suitable for any man, whatever their tastes. And there’s plenty of room for experimentation, with a twist base to alter the level of suction as you play.

TENGA GEO
TENGA GEO

2. TENGA GEO

Geometric fun that’s almost sculptural

REASONS TO BUY
  • Plenty of options
  • Should last a while
  • Looks pretty neat when inverted
  • Easy to cleanToday’s

Oh Tenga. You never fail to arouse and amuse. Here the company takes the unusual shapes it seems so enamoured with and applies them to the outside – and, once you’ve inverted it for play, the inside – of a spherical elastomer toy, made extra stretchy so you can really get up close and personal with it.

The Geo comes in three designs: there’s the wavy Aqua, with its undulating lines and ridges; the more complex Coral, which offers a vast number of tight corners to get stuck into; and the downright geometric Glacier, which should offer something else entirely.

The Geo range is a lot more expensive than Tenga’s popular selection of Eggs, but it also has the benefit of longevity. A Geo should, if properly cleaned and cared for, last for as many sessions as you need it. Do be sure to use a good lube, though, lest things get a little sticky.

MYHIXEL I
MYHIXEL I

3. MYHIXEL I

A very competent toy, and a great training aid too

REASONS TO BUY
  • All the functions you might want
  • Adjustable suction
  • App training could be fun – or useful

The Myhixel I isn’t sold specifically on its benefits as a male masturbation toy, though all the relevant boxes are ticked in that department. It’s clearly the right shape, there’s a soft textured inner, an incorporated vibrator, variable suction with an open-ended cap, and even self heating. If you’re looking for a do-it-all toy, this is the one.

But it’s not just a toy, it’s a tool aimed at improving your sexual well being. The Myhixel I can pair to your phone, at which point you can participate in one of two programs.

MED is for those suffering from premature ejaculation and, as well as including a consultation with a sex therapist, it gamifies the process of training your physical and psychological arousal triggers with eight stages of stimulation to give you a little extra staying power.

Play TR, the cheaper option, is the next stage up, with longer levels for those who already have a handle on ejaculatory control.

LELO F1S DEVELOPER’S KIT RED
LELO F1S DEVELOPER’S KIT RED

4. LELO F1S DEVELOPER’S KIT RED

This app-controlled male masturbator uses AI to enhance your play

REASONS TO BUY
  • Range of functions
  • Great for endurance
  • Tracks performance

Lelo has some significant prowess in the female sex toy department (the Soraya 2 is our top pick for the best vibrator, after all) so it should come as no surprise that this big step into the male market is something special.

Equal parts masturbation aid (with a washable spiral-textured silicone sleeve viewable through a window), endurance trainer, performance tracker and pleasure giver, the Lelo F1s promises some highly unique sensations.

It includes both vibration functions and the company’s SenSonic tech, which fires ultrasonic waves all around the penis. All of this is monitored by a series of ten sensors and can, if you choose, be controlled automatically by an AI ‘cruise control’ engine.

Lelo is even releasing a software developers kit (SDK) so that the code-savvy among you can develop your own pleasure apps for your new favourite masturbation toy.

TENGA EGG HARD BOILED PACK
TENGA EGG HARD BOILED PACK

6. TENGA EGG HARD BOILED PACK

Six experiences in one handy box

REASONS TO BUY
  • Lots to choose from
  • Super-compact
  • Something totally different

Tenga’s tendency, as you may have gathered, is towards the more weird and experimental side of masturbation, and this six-pack of the company’s Eggs – packaged in an actual egg box, because why not – offers a half dozen different experiences.

Crack one open and you’ll find a small, squishy, and very stretchy toy inside, with the Hard Boiled pack using Tenga’s stronger elastomer for a slightly more intense experience. Each egg has a different texture – Thunder is covered in little lightning bolts, Surfer has a ridged wave pattern, and so on.

A real variety pack, then, though some don’t care for the feeling of stretching a toy over the penis, and some textures are likely to be more effective than others.

The real downside is that these are designed for one-time use. You may get slightly longer life out of them if you’re careful with cleaning, but Tenga Eggs definitely don’t have the staying power of more fully-featured toys.

FLESHLIGHT GO TORQUE
FLESHLIGHT GO TORQUE

7. FLESHLIGHT GO TORQUE

The best Fleshlight for watching all the action

REASONS TO BUY
  • Translucent materials
  • Distinct sections
  • More compact
  • Adjustable suction

Amongst the most accommodating male sex toys around, with a generous 9 inches of length to its bumpy canal, the frosted, translucent Torque is absolutely perfect for a little partner play given that it offers an exciting view of what’s going on inside.

Unlike many, there are a number of individual sections all along its sleeve, offering distinct sensations depending on how far you take it.

That see-through case isn’t, by design, the most discreet (you’ll want to hide it well when not in use) although it’s a tad smaller than most. The transparent inner, with a tight gender-free 5mm opening which Fleshlight describes as ‘cyclonic’, is still made of Fleshlight’s much-loved SuperSkin material so you won’t be losing any sensation. 

TENGA SPINNER
TENGA SPINNER

8. TENGA SPINNER

The best masturbator for men who love highly textured toys

REASONS TO BUY
  • Easy cleaning
  • Exciting action
  • Unusual textures
  • Easy to dry

A different take on Tenga’s often out-there designs, here, with a male masturbator toy that employs one of three soft geometric patterns around its inner canal. Take your pick from the triangular Tetra, hexagonal Hexa and, er, shell-shaped Shell designs.

The twist, as it were, is the coloured spring-like apparatus around the outside of the Spinner, which causes it to twist as it’s moved up and down. Gripping the base or the tip changes the pattern for some interesting variety.

The Spinner is easy to clean by simply running water through it, and there’s a drying base included to ensure it’s completely water-free before you add any lubricant; that’s something you’ll definitely need, because this is certainly on the tighter end of these devices.

FLESHLIGHT PINK LADY / PINK BUTT ORIGINAL
FLESHLIGHT PINK LADY / PINK BUTT ORIGINAL

9. FLESHLIGHT PINK LADY / PINK BUTT ORIGINAL

The one that started it all – a smooth Fleshlight for the sensitive

REASONS TO BUY
  • Comfortable entry
  • Not too over-stimulating
  • Classic discrete packaging

Some more sensitive users find the textured canals of typical Fleshlights a little too much. But not everything has to be lumpy, bumpy, and covered in all kinds of geometric shapes – the Pink Lady and Pink Butt, the Fleshlights that started it all, keep it smooth inside. 

They’re not exactly baggy. Most men will find a reasonably tight canal (and, on the Pink Butt, a suitably small opening) gives all parts of the penis plenty to experience on the way in, but the soft material means you won’t be fighting to enter, and there’s a pressure relief valve on the rear with which to find a balance of suction and slide.

The only real downside, if you can call it that, is the length – we’d wager most would be unable to reach all the way to the end, and if you’re likely to hide it away you may wish to opt for one of Fleshlight’s more compact models.

TENGA FLIP HOLE
TENGA FLIP HOLE

10. TENGA FLIP HOLE

A Fleshlight rival that’s good for varied masturbation

REASONS TO BUY
  • Complex interior
  • Easy to clean
  • Extra pressure buttons 
  • Various textures

Available in a range of colours with varying textures and tightness (with the Black, the tightest, noted as perhaps a little too snug for many), Tenga’s Flip Hole is a slightly different take on the standard formula. 

The whole case flips open for cleaning and to give you a clear view of what lurks inside, and when it’s clipped shut there’s a series of buttons on the hard outer case. Squeeze them in use, and they can help increase pressure on certain key areas.

FLESHLIGHT QUICKSHOT VANTAGE
FLESHLIGHT QUICKSHOT VANTAGE

11. FLESHLIGHT QUICKSHOT VANTAGE

The best Fleshlight for travel use

REASONS TO BUY
  • Works well with a partner 
  • Multiple modes
  • Open-ended
  • Reversible

Deviating from the standard form factor, Fleshlight’s Quickshot is an open-ended device that’s much smaller and perfect for travel.

You can leave one cap on and use it in the same way as a traditional fleshlight, with varying suction depending on how tight the end cap is applied, but remove both and it becomes much more flexible.

Flip it over to vary the way it feels, remove the outer ring for a looser experience, or really take advantage of the shorter straight-through inner canal when playing with a partner.

FLESHLIGHT GIRLS & FLESHJACK BOYS

12. FLESHLIGHT GIRLS & FLESHJACK BOYS

The best Fleshlight for exploring new sexual fantasies

REASONS TO BUY
  • Realistic outers
  • Option of vagina or anus
  • Varied inner experiences
  • Switchable inners

If you’re looking for something truly anatomical, Fleshlight has the answer. The company has licensed and moulded realistic replicas of many porn stars, both men and women, and applied them to their traditional structure.

Each of these, in addition to that true-to-life outer, carries a one of a vast array of unique inner canals for a different experience. Fleshlight also sells just the inners on their own, if you’re interested in creating a collection.

If a fleshlight is your route to indulging a fantasy, there’s a host of names on offer, so whether it’s Riley Reid and Alexis Texas or Kevin Warhol and Brent Corrigan, you’ll find something – or someone – to suit.

‘Is your vibrator stopping you from enjoying sex?’

With the news that a supermarket will soon be stocking sex toys, bedroom gadgets have gone completely mainstream. Are we hooked?

Leanne* was 21 when she bought her first vibrator. It is sleek and made from soft-to-the-touch silicone. “It’s stone coloured, with a rose-gold button,” she explains. “It doesn’t look like a dick, it’s very classy.”

Growing-up in a village just outside Birmingham, she’d been single for two years when she took the train into the city centre one Saturday afternoon. “I remember feeling really matter-of-fact about it, as if I was going to have my car MOT-ed,” she laughs. At 21, Leanne had never had an orgasm. “But that was O-day. I was properly determined. I was going to buy the vibrator of my dreams and sort it out.”

She’d lost her virginity at 17 and by 21, had slept with a handful of guys, all of them people she’d been in short relationships with. She’d enjoyed sex, “but it was a different kind of enjoyment,” she explains. “I enjoyed the thrill of meeting someone, of seducing them or of them seducing me. The build-up excited me but I never actually had an orgasm.” It made foreplay uncomfortable and, she sighs, “pointless. I’d just lie there wondering what to do with myself, feeling weird and awkward. I felt like there was all this pressure on me to feel something that I just wasn’t feeling.”

As the years passed, Leanne began to worry about her missing orgasm. “I was disappointed every time I had sex, disappointed in myself rather than the other person. I felt the fact that I wasn’t coming was shameful; I didn’t want to tell anyone because my friends talked about it as if it happened for them every time.”

She finally opened up to her best friend. “The thing is, at the time, I’d never masturbated. My friend was great, she just said ‘of course you haven’t had an orgasm if you’ve never masturbated. You have to teach yourself what you find pleasurable. It’s about recognising a feeling and holding onto it. If you don’t know what that feeling is, then you’re going to struggle.’”

That Saturday, back at home, she unboxed her new vibrator and got work. “It took an hour before I finally felt this overwhelming…thing. Something my body was doing on its own, without me necessarily thinking about it or controlling it.” Big-O contractions were followed by a wave of pleasure, then a feeling of deep calm. “I was like ‘oh! So! I’ve had an orgasm.’ It was a great experience.”

Vibrators have been buzz-buzzing into our hearts since the Victorian era, when they were invented by doctors as a cure for female ‘hysteria.’ At the time it was thought that ‘hysteria’ (essentially, anxiety mixed with a whole host of other, incongruous symptoms like bloating) could be treated with orgasms. It’s a theory that Leanne can identify with: “I definitely felt less anxious thanks to having regular orgasms,” she says.

An illustration showing a woman clinging onto a giant vibrator in a Tarzan-inspired scene

But it was the launch of the Rabbit, in the late 1980s, which helped vibrators go mainstream. “For a long time most toys were fleshy, veiny, pink and obscene,” explains Stuart Nugent, who is the global brand manager for the Swedish designer sex toy brand LELO. “It put a lot of people off buying vibrators.” With its animal-shaped clitoral stimulator, though, the Rabbit seemed somehow friendlier than the toys which had gone before. In 1998 Sex and the City even dedicated an episode to it, signalling its shift from sex toy to cultural icon. 

With sex toys becoming seen as more mainstream, things started to change. “In the noughties, designers began to create more luxurious, design-focused products” Stuart explains. Fast forward to now and the global adult toys market is expected to exceed £22 billion ($29 billion) by 2020 – a growth which Stuart puts down, in part, to the fact that toys are now created to be desirable objects in their own right. He points out that in the past five to 10 years particularly, we’ve become much savvier consumers.

“We are now a lot more design-aware,” he says. “We want products which marry function with a sleek interface. That’s true of all of our gadgets, including the ones we take into our bedrooms.”

This drive for better design has resulted in a huge array of styles and price points. “In a normal vibrator, you’ll have an off-centre weight spinning around an axis. That’s what generates the sensation of a vibration,” explains Stuart. “But companies are now looking at different types of stimulation.” Stuart explains that the Sona, one of their newest products actually sends “inaudible sonic waves directly into the body”. The feeling is meant to be like having a small but bass-heavy speaker rumbling into your vagina. 

Professional sex-toy-tester Venus O’Hara (who owns around 500 vibrators and toys), also points to new toy The Womanizer: “It looks like an ear thermometer; you place it over your clitoris and it stimulates you without touching your clitoris by using air technology – almost like suction, but not too harsh.”

But this technology does not come cheap. You can expect to shell out £120 for each of them. But that’s nothing compared to a £1 million, diamond-covered vibrator – which is thought to be one of the world’s most expensive sex toys. If that sounds like a lot of cash to splash on getting off, then there’s always the ones available at your local supermarket. Yes, you read that right. This week, the supermarket chain Sainsbury’s announced they would be launching a range of affordable sex toys. But even at the more budget-friendly end of the market (the range will cost between £8 and £15), the pieces – in rose gold, blush and silver – look more like dinky sculptures than, to quote Leanne, ‘dicks’.

“I kept my vibe by my bed and used it every day,” says Leanne. “It felt like a really positive step in terms of my sexuality.” Seven years later, she uses the exact same vibe, a few times a week. But while the love is still there, she has started to wonder whether their “relationship” (her word) is impacting her ability to orgasm by other means. “Over the years I’ve realised that I can’t have an orgasm unless it’s using that exact vibrator, laying in the exact same position that I was in the first time. It’s like I’ve never cheated on my vibe.”

Now 28, she lives with her partner of five years. They’re happy and have a fulfilling sex life. “He’s totally fine with the vibe, we include it in foreplay. At first I thought he might feel emasculated, but it’s all good, apart from the fact that I’d love to experience an orgasm in a different way.” Despite much experimentation (“on my front, while having sex, me on top of him, with a range of different toys,”) which proved to be fun but somewhat frustrating, “I always have to revert back to ‘old faithful’ if I want to come.

“It’s almost as if I’ve achieved this milestone, but I haven’t been able to move forward, or experiment. I’m worried that I’ve become ‘hooked’ on that one vibrator.”

An illustration of a vibrator on the pillow next to a woman who looks at it with a glint in her eye

To be clear, according to the experts, this isn’t physically possible (more on this in a sec). But Leanne isn’t the only one to have become concerned about whether anything can compare with the quick-and-clinical power of the vibe. In fact, back in 2016 a condition called ‘Dead Vagina Syndrome,’ – basically a numbness after habitually using vibrators – went viral, despite the fact that it had no medical basis whatsoever. 

Dr Leila Frodsham, a spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, explains: “If you can only orgasm in one position, using one sex toy, or with your hand, and you are perfectly happy, then there’s nothing to worry about. I see a lot of patients, though – men and women – who tell me that they want to experience orgasm in a different ways but can’t. That they feel their sex lives are becoming formulaic because they have to return to that one position and sensation every time.”

Women are able to achieve orgasm through a number of different methods. For many – around 37% according to one American-based study – stimulating the clitoris (a nub of nerve endings, found a centimetre or so in front of the vaginal opening) is necessary to climax, (although others can get there through penetration alone, while a few lucky ones, only need nipple stimulation). “Vibrators work through frequency and amplitude,” explains Dr Frodsham. They rapidly and intensely stimulate the clitoris and surrounding areas, meaning that arousal happens much more quickly than by other (manual or oral) methods. “And there’s no clinical evidence that using one leads to lessened sensitivity or any kind of physical ‘addiction’.”

But, she points out, it’s normal to become used to one sensation. “I see it most often in men with porn addiction,” she says. “They masturbate with their hand, sometimes for hours every day, which means that they find it difficult to climax when they’re having sex with a partner because it feels so different to what they’re used to. For a woman who uses the same vibrator every time, it’s a similar thing, your body becomes used to that one sensation, so new ones take longer to work, if they work at all.”

In these scenarios, she recommends spending six weeks letting your body get acquainted with different sensations. “Dial down the speed of a vibrator, or switch to a different model, which has different kinds of stimulation,” she says. “Reaching climax through a variety of different methods will mean that you’ll start to find it easier generally.” But it can take time. In fact, the first time you try a new type of stimulation might seem like slow going, but it might be worth it, if it means easy orgasms in the long run.

For 27-year-old Safia,* a vibrator hiatus seemed like the only solution after she realised that she was having trouble climaxing without it. “I tried to climax with just my hands but couldn’t get into it,” she explains. “I couldn’t conjure up any scenarios in my mind that would turn me on. Eventually I just got bored. I was single at the time but that experience really freaked me out. I was genuinely scared that using my vibrator every day was ruining my ability to have orgasms with a partner, or by myself.”

She began scouring the internet to see whether vibrator use could lead to lessened sensitivity. “There wasn’t a lot of information available and what was there was often really conflicting. I think a lot of literature which is meant to be positive about female sexuality can ignore the genuine concerns that some women have about being reliant on vibrators.”

Ultimately, she decided to retire her vibe for a month. “It was difficult at first; I’d been using it every day as a way to fall asleep – it just made me feel really relaxed.

“I had this amazing vibrator that cost £120. The first time I used it, it took like seven seconds and then I just lay there, thinking ‘Well, something’s left me.’ Literally, £120 to feel empty.

“During my month off, I actually had to move it away from my bed, otherwise I would have been too tempted to use it each night to help me drift off.”

An illustration of a hypnotised woman with the shape of a vibrator reflected in her eyes

Although it took a week or two, Safia soon got used to masturbating with her hand again. “I realised that I hadn’t been relying on my imagination any more but that masturbating had become purely physical, and that’s why I couldn’t build up to an orgasm like I’d been able to before.”

Venus had a similar experience before she became a sex toy tester. “There was definitely a time when I thought I couldn’t orgasm without one specific model,” she explains. “I tried other vibrators but it had to be this particular one.” She began writing a blog about sex and sex gadgets nine years ago. “Through experimentation and research, I realised that it was my mental techniques that I needed to work on, not just which toy I was using.”

She points out that rushing towards orgasm might, incongruously, mean that you lose touch with your fantasy life. “I think it’s good to allow your mind to wander and be guided by your fantasies — they’ll make the sensations more intense.” She used to masturbate between four and six times a day. “But now I do it just once, for between 45 minutes and an hour. It’s almost like a meditative practice.”

Dr Frodsham agrees that habit and biology are only really half of the story when it comes to sex. “I think the question of why someone can only climax using one particular method is important. And it often comes down to control. Control is a big part of sex and orgasm – a person who feels anxious about what’s going on with their body, or how they look to a partner, is unlikely to relax into sex.”

“We’re now expected to be very in control of our lives,” adds Dr Frodsham. “That doesn’t just switch off when it comes to the bedroom. And it can really stand in the way of someone fully experiencing sex.”

In this respect, vibrators can be a good thing. Basically, a vibe will get you aroused before your mind has a chance to step in and stress out. “Obviously, though, if you’re finding it difficult to climax without one, and would like to, then it’s a case of figuring out ways to get comfortable with losing control and letting your body do what it needs to do,” she adds.

Using a form of psychodynamic therapy, Dr Frodsham helps people to get to a position where orgasms come more easily. She also suggests reading erotic fantasies, such as those in the books by sex writer Nancy Friday and trying various masturbation techniques. Seeking a professional’s advice is something that Leanne has been considering. “I’ve thought about going on a vibe ‘diet’ but I feel like that means no orgasms for… I don’t even know how long. And it doesn’t seem worth it.”

Both Leanne and Safia are still vibrator fans. “Using the vibe has definitely improved my sex life,” says Safia. “But – and maybe this comes down to the fact that I have a new girlfriend – now that I only use it every-so-often, I feel like I’m getting to know myself better. I’m experimenting more and letting my mind wander more. Still, I’ve got no plans to throw it away,” she laughs, then shrugs, “I’m only human.”

*Some names have been changed to anonymise the personalities. 

This article was originally published on 25 October 2018. BBC

10 Top Tips For Cervix Penetration

Deep Sex Penetration And Cervical Orgasms
Deep Sex Penetration And Cervical Orgasms

What is Cervix Penetration

In addition to vaginal stimulation or clitoral stimulation, the cervix is also a pleasure zone that can lead to full blown orgasm. This is achieved with deep penetration through the vagina which will stimulate your cervix.

For those who have never experienced deep penetration before, or might have experienced it unexpectedly, you would be wondering how this can be stimulating or safe. So we have put together the best tips on cervix penetration and stimulation to help you understand and enjoy deep penetration without worry.

Female Squirting: How do you squirt?

Can everyone squirt? or is this a pleasure reward for the sex gods amongst us? In this article we dive into the essentials of female squirting. What it is and how can everyone do it; if everyone can do it.

Sex educators, journalists and bloggers have over the years discussed and attempted to demystify female sexual experiences; attempting to generalise female sexual encounters and provide answers to people with probing questions.

Questions like is female orgasm real quite often make it to the trending sexuality questions on Google. A stuff for legends and desire for amateurs, female squirting like female orgasm is another of the top trending sexuality questions often asked from Google. On the mid of sexual pleasure seekers; often shrouded in mystery lies the age old question: How do you squirt?

Female Squirting: How do you squirt?
Female Squirting: How do you squirt?

Can Every Woman Squirt?

Quite often at some point, ladies and sometimes men ask Google pertaining questions about female sexuality. Amongst them includes “how do you squirt?”, “how do women squirt?”, “is squirting the same as pee?”, “can every woman squirt?”.

These questions mean that people are interested in the matter of female squirting and the high interest has led to sexologists and sociologists examining the topic with keen interest; even sex toys collections aimed at helping a woman achieve squirting status.

What is Squirting? Seriously What exactly is Squirting!!?

So what is squirting? Well in simple words it is the expelling of intra vulva fluids from the g-spot as a result of being super aroused.

Long answer: One has to understand the structure of the vulva, which has a spongy tissue known as the urethral sponge or the g spot, located about 2 to 3 inches inside the vaginal canal on the front facing wall. This spongy tissue is usually found with a come here sign when a finger is inserted into the vagina.

The spongy tissue can become very very aroused like the clitoris, and it fills up with bodily fluids. At a tipping point the urethral sponge will expel these fluids and that is what squirting is all about.

What is Squirting? Seriously What exactly is Squirting!!?
What is Squirting? Seriously What exactly is Squirting!!?

If you are familiar with X rated movies, you might observe that “squirting” involves heavy fluids gushing out of the body sometimes at alarming amounts and in alarming volumes. That like in most movies, are exaggeration of a much less dramatic and often leaky or few drips and dribbles of bodily fluids.

Isn’t Squirting the same as Female Orgasm?

Well that isn’t exactly the case. Female orgasm is a complex contortion of muscles and spasms that involve all the erogenous zones; the squirting which is sometimes wrongly called “squirting orgams” and female orgams are two separate and different experiences, albeit related because they are caused by sexual arousal hitting high peak.

But they don’t often occur at the same time, and in some instance female squirting can occur before an orgasm and sometimes even without an orgams.

Isn't Squirting the same as Female Orgasm?
Isn’t Squirting the same as Female Orgasm?

It is key to point out that some ladies have described squirting to be exactly like an orgasm and others have described it to be similar but not the same. Most ladies do not realise they are squirting at all as it is often a quiet and non dramatic event.

There are recorded cases of women who only squirt during masturbation, but rarely during partner sex, it has been described as a calming release whist orgasm has been described as a high energy eruption. Some women might notice a slight wetness on the bed after sex indicating the eruption of bodily fluids; or squirting.

Quick Question: Is Squirting Pee?

Quick answer: no, squirting fluid is not pee. The fluid make up of squirting is called prostatic fluid which has a different biochemical makeup than the chemical nature of pee.

Long Answer: Whist other researchers have identified, common compounds like urea and creatinine, it is certainly not the same fluids. Urine has a general odor and yellowish coloration, whilst squirting fluids are clear and odorless with a mostly tasteless nature.

Quick Question: Is Squirting Pee?
Quick Question: Is Squirting Pee?

There is no official distinction between pee and squirting fluids, but if you suspect that you pee during sex, then it is recommended to have a chat with your health specialist as peeing during sex can be an early sign of urinary incontinence, which can cause you to pee during sex or when pressure is applied on your vulva. This condition can also be exhibited in women who have given birth and is as a result of a weak or overly tight pelvic floor which can be remedied by pelvic floor exercises.

Can I learn how to squirt and can everyone squirt?

Around 10% of women report squirting over their lifetime, however there is a suspicion among researchers and sex educators that the phenomenon could be in higher numbers, except that it is not noticed amongst many women as it is often a very subtle and undramatic event.

Taking these into consideration; we can observe that in theory the majority of women should be able to squirt, it is not known for sure; for instance in theory not all women with nipples enjoy nipple stimulation or nor all women with ears enjoy having their ears licked, in that light not all women with a vulva will have a high enough stimulation in their g spot to cause the expulsion of squirting fluids.

How to Squirt (Alone or with a Partner)

Squirting, very much like orgasms varies from person to person. But there are general steps one can take to achieve squirting. You have to be aroused and sexually super turned on in order to experience squirting.

1. Getting Wet

Getting wet and ready, aroused and sexually turned on is the way to getting the juices flowing and your g-spot sponges filling with fluids. You cannot get squirting juices flowing until you are turned on and in the mood.

If you feel uncomfortable, then you have to prepare yourself with a bit of self stimulation or sex toys like love eggs, vibrators and dildos. When you are good and all turned on, with proper engorgement of your clitoris and arousal of your g-spot, then you have to stay turned on, this can be achieve with slow stimulation of your nipples, experimenting with butt plugs to stimulate your anal erogenous zones, or using a clitoral rabbit vibrator to stimulate yourself.

2. Find Your G-Spot

With well manicured and clean fingers, or with your partners’s fore finger, reach inside the vagina and locate the spongy soft spot that will be about 2 inches to 3 inches inside the vagina. It is located on the front facing wall of the vagina, and is usually stimulated with the fore finger performing a come here sign inside the vagina.

Once contact is made with the g-spot, you should feel a spongy quarter sized zone that is extra sensitive to touch and stimulate this area with a wiper like motion or soft come here signs. You might have to work on the zone for a longer amount of time as there are varying sensitiveness when it comes to g-spots.

Stimulating the g-spot gives the sensation of pleasure and if you feel like you want to pee, then you have not been aroused enough and have to go back to step one, taking time to ensure that you are turned on enough.

3. Toys Designed For Squirting

Once you have found the g-spot, then it is time to work on more pressure stimulation and firm rubbing with your forefinger and g-spot wand stimulators. These g-spot want sex toys are designed to touch, reach and stimulate the g-spot with little effort, leading to the engorging of the g-spot with fluids, and leading to the build up and release.

4. Mix Things Up: Stimulate your Nipples and Clitoris

Mix things up with stimulation of other areas of your body, including your clitoris, nipples and even experimenting with nipple and clitoris suction toys and stimulators and vibrators.

In short, do what feels good and do it for a long time, experiment and mix things up, a bit of oral sex, sex toys, hand stimulation and vibrators, dildos and as much as you can feel good, until you get a release.

What If You Didn’t Squirt?

So you did not squirt, well not all women do, and remember the here is to explore your body and find your limitations; what you enjoy the most and what you find less enjoying.

Exploring your body allows you to find new kinds of sensations which fel good and are actually a good way of learning how to please yourself or be pleased by your partner.

Learning to squirt might take more than a trial or two, but regardless of if you squirt or not, you will have identified new zones in your body that turn you on and give you sexual release and satisfaction. You are now a master of what your body likes.

Why You Should Be Chilled If You Can’t Squirt

It is fun to explore your body, try new techniques and see how your body responds to these, not all sexual organs are created the same and ultimately, what excites someone will not excite your body.

There is no need compare yourself to how someone else’s body reacts, you can achieve sexual satisfaction and sexual pleasure at your own pace with how your body reacts.

Getting The Most Pleasure From 6 Simple Sex Positions

Sex is one of the most intimate and pleasurable and is even more enjoyed with with a powerful orgasm. Achieve the most pleasure from simple sex positions, making a few tweaks to your sexual lifestyle and activity to enjoy even more powerful orgasms: alone or with a loved one.

Most Pleasure From Simple Sex Positions
Most Pleasure From Simple Sex Positions

When people want to spice up their sexual lifestyle, the option that usually comes to mind is to add a plethora of sexual positions to their arsenal. Develop acrobatic tendons and flexibility overnight and arrange their bodies in the most impossible contortions imaginable.

However, to improve your sexual lifestyle and enjoy sex more, there is no need to train as an olympic level acrobat. The most basic sexual positions when practised well and kept in rotation to keep things interesting will work well and often lead to heightened sexual pleasure and epic orgasms.

Sex is all about stimulation of the most sensitive areas and being able to relax and let go. This will lead to intense and satisfying sex. Being able to angle yourself in a sexual position so that you are stimulating the more sensitive areas will lead to more enjoyment of sexual encounters.

With greater pleasure; one will increase the likelihood of having orgasm and as often and quickly as possible. This allows you to get turned on and feel connected to your body and to your partner. So you do not need the entire encyclopedia of sexual positions and mastery of the Kama Sutra to achieve sexual pleasure.

The extra twist, acrobatic styles do not achieve a higher level of satisfaction than the simple sexual positions. Enjoy your sex with pleasure using these 6 simple sex positions.

Woman on Top

Women enjoy sex in this position because it allows them to control the speed and angle of thrust. They can make it more intense with faster deeper trusts or simple lean forward and reduce the intensity to their pace. To get into the woman on top position, you have to get on your knees and hug your partner, then slide in and out, as slowly or fast as you desire.

The woman on top also allows you to stimulate your G spot, in the most relaxing way possible. A feat that is harder to achieve unless you are using a g spot stimulating vibrator. Moderating the speed from slow to intense will allow you to get warmed up in your muscles to avoid cramps as well as get your clitoris stimulated and warmed up for more pleasure. You can jump the clitoral warm up with a rabbit vibrator to stimulate your clitoris as a sex aid.

The clitoris is a small nub that is right above the vaginal opening, and as you get turned on it will fill up with blood like the penis and become engorged in its own right. This makes it larger and drops lower into the path of the thrusting allowing it to be easily stimulated and providing a larger area for stimulation leading to epic orgasms. Getting aroused and getting your clitoris warmed up is very key to enjoying sex.

Want to push things a bit further with the woman on top position to better sexual pleasure from this simple sexual position. Try a little bit of mixing the woman on top position with a vibrating cock ring. The cock ring will serve to stimulate the clitoris directly whilst maintaining the erection of your partner for longer sexual activity. The woman on top allows you to control your sensations to better enjoy sexual pleasure.

Doggy Style

The doggy style, is a satisfying sexual position in which the partner enters you from behind. It allow for a tight fit and allows for stimulation of the G spot with every thrust. The doggy style position is also a pleasurable and yet simple sex position that allows for the clitoris to be stimulated as it is more exposed, allowing for it to be stimulated with love eggs vibrators or even manually by yourself or your partner. The doggy style also allows for exciting sexual adventures such as a threesome and allows everyone to enjoy equal stimulation.

You can lessen the weight and burn on your knees by using pillows to cushion your upper body, stomach and even knees and keeping your legs straight. Relaxing in the doggy style position also allows you to enjoy a stimulating sexual experience in a simple sexual position that can be practised by everyone.

69 Sexual Position

The 69 sexual position is one of the most simply performed positions but one of the most satisfying. It allows for simultaneous oral stimulation by a couple. Each giving the other oral sex at the same time. To begin the couple lie on top of eachother with heads away from each other and easy access to the goods of pleasure. The 69 position is one of the sexual positions that allow for the use of sexual toys and stimulation such as vibrators, dildos, mustabators and anal sex toys.

Spooning

One of the coziest if not the coziest sexual position, spooning is a simple and yet satisfying sexual position that allows for ultimate intimacy. It allows you to relax and match each others rhythm and pace. A sexual position which allows both partners to feel well and truly connected in an embrace during climax. The spooning will let you lay next to each other against your back and the angle of penetration can be adjusted with the partner in the inner spoon angling their back or arching to meet the rhythm of thrust.

A very much laid back sexual position that allows you to enjoy sex without anything slipping out. Using stimulants and sexual accessories like butt plug sex toys will further enhance the stimulation and pleasure. Add novelty with blindfolds or even heighten the pleasure when partners are hands free to touch and fondle each other in other erogenous zones.

Seated Straddle

A very simple and very enjoyable sex position, the straddle allows a couple to match their breathing and expand their bodies to match each other. It is a beautiful sexual position that allows more opportunity to achieve orgasm. The intimacy of being able to look into the eyes of your partner whilst sitting face to face is only rivalled only by the missionary position.

The seated straddle sexual position also allows the couple to expand their breathing and eliminates the pressure on breathing experienced during the missionary position. Being seated is also a very natural sexual position that will allow the couple to feel very comfortable and hit their highest points of pleasure. Add tongue cockrings to as novelty to heighten the stimulation of the clitoris.

Missionary Sex Position

The classic sexual position which although looks very basic is one of the most satisfying and yet very simple to effect sexual positions: a simple sexual position that will heighten the pleasure and leave both satisfied. It is the ultimate and natural position for clitoral stimulation.

The misionary position can be furthe renhanced by propping up with pillows to angle the penetration and allow for futher clitoral stimulation. It is also an ideal sexual position for hitting the evasive G spot which allows for vaginal orgasmic explosion. The missionary sexual position can be altered with varying angles of leg positon, from closed up legs, or draped outside your partners, to even raising one leg.

The missionary position is easily achieved regardless of one’s athletic abilities, including wrapping legs around the back of your partner to create a deep and satisfying lock. Delay male orgasm with cock extenders strapons or cock rings accessories which can also serve to further stimulate the clitoris.